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Wednesday, 18 May 2016

Waking up at night

People have been known to break into houses at night. Will it happen tonight? We were getting all ready to go to bed, and it was pitch dark. We went to go get the light. We walk to the campervan, that is parked right in the middle of the paddock. Our heads are heavy on the pillow so we fall asleep in a hurry. 
All of a sudden we wake up. There is a light shining through the window. We open the curtain. There is a man walking straight towards us. We freak out. The man is getting bigger and bigger. We hide in the dark 
corner. Who is it? Why are you coming for us? The shadowy figure’s thundering footsteps were getting closer and closer. 
All of a sudden we heard knocks on the door.
“Who is it?” My voice is quiet and shaky. 
They replied in a rumbling voice “It is me!” We open the door. It is a familiar face. It was just my friend’s dad coming to check on us. All my muscles were all relieved. We pound with laughter.

Reflection

In this piece of writing I was learning to put full stops and commas in as I went. I was also learning to appeal to a scared emotion. I
went well because I would remember to put full stops sometimes but after times I would not remember. It went well appealing to a sacred emotion, for example “The shadowy figure’s thundering footsteps were getting closer and closer.” 
My next steps would be to put more commas in as I go. Commas go when you are listing things or when you pause.
 

3 comments:

  1. What a wonderful story you have written here Charlie, you've really created a scared, nervous feeling for the reader. I especially like the terms 'rumbling voice' and 'pound with laughter', as they really capture the emotions well. A similar experience happened to me when I was camping once (though I was in a tent, not a campercan). It turned out to be some teenagers going down the river in a dingy! At midnight! I think they had a death wish...

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  2. i love the interesting words that you put in that scary story and like heavy heads :]

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  3. Hey Charlie I know you from my school actually your in my class lol and your my friend.
    Also I like how you mentioned what time it is and what it was like.
    :3

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